A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
