My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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