Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
