i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
