if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
