You're so nebulous sometimes
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
All the doctor said was why
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize