A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
