i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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