OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
