the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Two words: blizzard sex
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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