I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
