i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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