he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
