Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Randomize
