Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
