suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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