i need an iv and a liver transplant
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
