***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
so let's talk penis.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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