its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
