SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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