ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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