You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
