Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I love having hate sex.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
