Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
