Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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