You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
