He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
