He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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