Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
