I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
