I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
