im six kinds of drunk right now
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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