I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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