I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
