Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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