Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Edward fifth and chaser hands
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Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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