I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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