It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
