It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
