we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Randomize
