Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
