I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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