did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
