it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
