Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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