My liver just broke up with me...
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it