handjob tips. give me some.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.