You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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