he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
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Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
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Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.