They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
