She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
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I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
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there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie