Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them