I just made out with a guy for $7.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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