I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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