I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
