Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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