I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
