I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
