i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i was born a porn star she said
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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