You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
