We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just gift wrapped bread.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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