i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
