jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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