my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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