No more Irish car bombs ever.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
