All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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