The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
my being single is dangerous.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
