dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Let's get the cat blown out
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
