I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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