i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
