Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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