I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
