I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
