Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
