Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
