oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just blew my weed a kiss
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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