i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
