my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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