He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
