that's an acceptable place to lick
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
