she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
