This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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