I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
