addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
