I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Randomize
