none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
