How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
