fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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