the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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